So my girlfriend of 4 years and I are in a crumbling relationship. We were engaged for a year, I just recently had to cancel the wedding. One of our problems has been our sex life. As it turns out, there have been a lot of things that she wanted us to do, but she never brought them up - never talked with me about them. I can't say I blame her for feeling unsatisfied in the bedroom; if I'd been keeping my sexual desires secret from my partner for 4 years, I'd probably be pretty unsatisfied too.
So now we're talking about these things - activities she wants us to do in bed, but there are still some things that she refuses to tell me. She says they're too "superfreak" and she doesn't feel comfortable discussing them. Explaining that lack of communication is what got us in this mess does not persuade her. It seems like the main hurdle is that, although she has done these things with other guys, I'm too "innocent" to do these things. She doesn't "look at me that way." I'm using her words because I'm really not sure what she's talking about and I don't want to do too much interpretation. Also, in addition to "superfreak," she has twice described these particular activities as "horrible." To quote her in an e-mail:
Email me back with something horrible you'd like to do to me.
In order to provide some comparison, this is what our current sex life is like: I go down on her, she gets off. We have piv sex, either me on top, her on top, doggy style, or her bent over the bed, I get off, end of session. Sometimes she gets me off by oral, she swallows. Sometimes we have anal sex while she uses a vibrator, but that's infrequent. Sometimes we do it in the shower, but that's only if she feels like giving me a quickie.
Pretty tame, I know, but I've been quite happy with that for 4 years. She's super hot and I'm immensely attracted to her, so sex at all is a blast for me. I thought, mistakenly, that she was satisfied as well. If I'd known earlier that she was not, then I'd have been willing to try anything to make her satisfied. Like most people, I've found that satisfying my partner is critical to my own happiness, and the health of the sex life in general.
The reason I'm here is because I need help trying to guess what it is she wants. So far, I've been able to uncover a few relatively unfreaky activities she would like, but none of them are the "superfreak, horrible" things she wants to do. She did say these things qualify as "freaky." They are:
THINGS SHE WANTS TO DO: rough sex, talking dirty, smacking her ass, calling her a whore/slut/etc, pulling her hair, throwing her around.
I am confident I can do all of these things. We've already tried the dirty talk thing via e-mail, as a way of "warming up to it" rather than just jumping right in, but the results were luke warm. I thought what I wrote was pretty good, but her response was, "I can tell you were uncomfortable writing it, and that makes me uncomfortable reading it." In fact, I was quite comfortable writing it - I was only worried that she wouldn't like it. This is what I wrote, if that's any help:
When you get home tonight I'm gonna let you take a shower for me, and then I'm gonna throw you down on the bed, take your towel off, spread your legs and eat your pussy. I'm gonna finger you when I do it, find your G-spot and make you come. Then I'm going to bend you over the side of the bed and fuck you so I can feel how tight you are because it's been so long. I'm gonna put my thumb in your ass to get you ready for me, and when you're ready I'm gonna put my cock in your sweet, round ass and fuck you some more. You're gonna say my name and make me come, and then we're gonna lay there for a while. Then you're going to take another shower with me.
The fact that she apparently didn't like it is demoralizing. What's worse is that I'm new at a lot of this stuff, and negative reactions to them are particularly discouraging. I suspect that her reaction will be the same if I try to do any of the other things in the list. Although they're things she wants, she just won't be comfortable doing them with me. Still, I'm going to try to do them, and hope for a better response.
As I said earlier, however, I need help guessing what these other "superfreak" activities may be, since she won't tell me outright but she will tell me if I guess incorrectly. So far, I know these are things she's not interested in doing:
THINGS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO: scat play, water sports, cumming on her face, asphyxiation, roleplaying rape, roleplaying virgin scenarios, roleplaying teacher/student scenarios, giving or receiving a rimjob, pretty much anything to do with my bum, being tied up, using a dildo or vibrator on her, three-ways or swapping, watching porn, gender role reversal, video taping...I'm pretty sure there are some other things I've already guessed but I can't remember them all. If we can rule out more, I'll add them to the list.
Any help with the guesses, or any advice or observations on anything else I've mentioned will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance. Btw, I will be away from the computer all day tomorrow, so there may be a delay in answering some of your comments.
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